J is for Just do it

I am trying to have a better attitidue about things that I can not control and about the things I can control. I am trying to adopt the Nike mantra of Just do it. I think way too much, over analyze way too much, which makes me do nothing becuase I have run out of time overthinking everything. It also gives me major anxiety. I am going to try and Just do things. First of all, I'd like to schedule some meetings with current and future customers. I do much better when I have every thing planned out and scheduled. Second I need not just to find new recipes to try, but to actully cook them. Poor J is eating the same thing over and over with a varitey to the fabulous steamed vegetable bags. I like to cook, I don't know what is going on with me.

And today seems to be a day of ramblings. I promise I will get my stuff together soon.

Dreams

I am taking a break from the letter game today for a normal post. I guess I have had a lot on my mind for the past couple of months and feel I may be able to gain more perspective by writing it out. I have been having crazy strange dreams lately about a friendship that pretty much ended last summer. My dreams pick up sometimes where things left off and sometimes years in the future. Sometimes we resolve things and sometimes we don't. However, I always wake up feeling somewhat sad and anxious about the whole situtation. Obviously, I feel somewhat not settled about how things ended. Perhaps this is because I ultimately had no control over the situation. Sometimes I feel like I should reach back out to this person and see where things stand and then as I go to write a text or email I stop myself. I stop because do I really want to put myself back out there after being really hurt.

I think back to some of my other relationships where days, months, and even years have passed and we were able to ease back into a friendship as if nothing has changed. These were true friendships. I would like to think that if we ever did reconnect, it would be that simple, but I know for pretty certain that would not be the case here. With others, it may have been a silly fight or just time drifting away, but this was different. I do not plan on hashing out the soared details. Just know that I was very hurt and mad at the way things went down. If I was going to end a friendship on some detail, I for sure wouldn't do it over email and text. I guess that is why I am so unsettled even after 8 months. It was weird not having her at my wedding, or even inviting her. She was hard to handle, and so am I, but there was always something fun to get ourselves into. I am still deciding if it was all the things we did and involved ourselves in and all the careless fun we had or I just grew up and my priorities changed.

I guess I always thought that this would blow over and eventually we would figure it all out. Somedays I am ok with this, I guess when I have these dreams it makes me wonder "what if?" I still haven't decided what I will do, I guess time will just tell.

I is for I don't know`

"I" is a hard letter. I thought and thought about what 'I" could stand for, and could only come up with I don't know. However, this phrase is such a good representation for my life right now. I don't know a lot about my product line. I am striving each week to make sure I take the time to study and become more knowledgable on the products in my portfolio. I heard on a conference call today that my numbers for 2012 are going to be pretty high. I do love a challenge, but for a virgin territory I am worried about not making any bonuses and people not thinking I am trying.

I don't know what we are going to do about our living situation. I am refinancing our little town home, since I am at 6.25% and that is just a ridiculous interest rate for what is going on here. We would love more than anything to buy a bigger home in the hopes of expanding our family in the next few years. I just don't know what is going to happen with the housing market and don't think we are going to be able to sell my cute starter home.

The more I try to learn the more I realize, I just don't know....

H is for Hotel

Hotels are near and near to my heart. Well, not really, but the reality is I spend at least 1/3 of my year staying in hotel rooms. I am not sure if it is a good thing to have your own contracted rate, or if you can call the front desk to book a room and only say "Hi this is Paige," and they know who you are. I am platinum elitie with the holiday inn chain and have over 200,000 points with them right now. These points do come in handy when J and I have taken some quick weekend vacations or go to watch Peyton play in some away baseball tournements.

For a while there, I was sleeping better in a hotel bed than my own bed. I almost forgot how to make a bed since I didn't have to on the road. Breakfast is made for me and I never have to do dishes! I love my job and I don't know how I would be if I didn't travel at all. I get a lot done working in the hotel rooms, so there is the plus to travel.

G is for Go Cart

My in laws purchased a small house in a marina on the Mississippi river. My husband was the one to find the house and knew I would not go for buying it ourselves. He then talked his dad into buying the 900 square foot 2 bedroom house. We have spent the last few months painting and ripping out carpet (when I say we, I mean Jay and crew, I am not allowed to paint.) Yesterday, we moved the furniture in (again, we is Jay and my 2 brother in laws), I put sheets on the beds and washed the dirty dishes.

Right after the house was purchased, Andy, J's sister's husband, bought a go-cart for the boys for Christmas. Peyton loves going to the Boat House and playing with all the toys. We have his bike down there, all his remote control cars, and J bought a 3 wheeler (peyton can only ride with J on this). I see a lot of summer nights spent at the boat house, but I thought I would share this cute picture of peyton and my nephew Luke yesterday before they rode through the mud.

F is for Friendship

We started a new sermon series at church on sunday called "Rooted in Love." It is based on a book by CS Lewis and the first sermon was on friendship. It really spoke to me and made me think of my near and dear friends. Those people that are not my friend when, not my friend if, not my friend or, not my friend but, not my friend because, but just my friend.

I am very fortunate to have such friendships in my life, some old and one very old. I'd like to dedicate today to those special people in my life that are always there for me, no matter what and no questions asked.

For some strange reason, my best girl friends have been named Sara(h)....weird, I know. My Sara without an h became a fast friend in body rhymics class our freshman year at Shepton High School. We were also in Mrs. Pittenger's 5th period science class. We were not allowed to sit next to each other after the first 6 weeks. Sara and I were National Champion Stallionettes, Plano Dance Force, and basically trouble in a T top camero! We were nicknamed Thelma and Louise (no we won't drive off a cliff.) We had a falling out after we graduated and almost 9 years later picked up where we left off. It is amazing that we were able to catch up so effortlessly and now I can't imagine not having my BFF around. She is there for me as I am for her. No questions asked. I am sure more adventures to come. This is one of my favorite pictures of us, somewhere circa 1997. The latter one is from my bridal shower in August 2011.

My Sarah with an H came into my life summer of 2001 at YMCA Camp Lakewood. I knew her at Dutchess and she knew me as Paga. We had a crazy fun summer. If you have never worked at a summer camp, it is hard to understand. Relationships just develop faster. She is the reason I moved to St. Louis to go to SLU for graduate school. She has since moved to Virginia, Alaska, and now back to Missouri. She has a great husband and 2 gorgoeus little girls (twins). As most people in life, we don't talk on the phone as much as we used to, but pick right back up where we left off. She is a true and true friend.

Now we move to my Arkansas tride and true family. I was so blessed with the best group of guys from college. Ironically, I dated one of their friends sophomore year at the University of Arkansas and gained his friends in the break up. Robin is my BBFF (boy bff), we are basically the same person, just he's a boy. He gets me without my having to explain anything. We are both anaytical and need a solution on paper for why something happens or works. He is family and made the best brides man ever. He looked so secure in his manhood when holding my bridal bouquet when my sister had to adjust my veil....I'll post pics when I get them. My 2 ushers, Hott and Dave, have also been the best of friends. We are silly, fun, and call a mean hog. Hott married Jen, almost 6 years ago and she fits in so well with our group. I am protective of my boys as they are of me and so happy to have her in my corner as well.

E is for Exhausted

Forgive me for the delay in posting. Last week I was in Aruba for my companies North American sales meeting and I am exhausted. I know, it is hard to get you to feel sorry for me because I was in Aruba, but it was definetely not a relaxing week. First of all, I woke up at 3am on monday to shower and get ready for my 6am flight. J would not take me to the airport at 4:30, so I had to drive and catch the shuttle....more due to the fact that Peyton would be asleep when I landed friday night.) I check into my flight, get everything checked with my passport, go through security, and then have my flight flat out cancelled. I picked up the red phone and called reservations. They give me a bogus story about a problem, when the truth is they didn't have enough people booked. Thank you American Airlines. I now will miss my flight to Aruba and have been rebooked on a flight 6 hours from now out of St. Louis, have a 4 hours lay over in Miami, and miss the opening of the meeting. I called Parking Spot to come back and pick me up and I went home.

The meeting was exhausting, but I learned that I work for an amazing company. The press released was announced while we were in Aruba that we are now a billion dollar company. The team I am on is the small side of the business, but the side with the most potential for the growth. Hopefully, I will get my act together and help this process. I loved all the reps (for the most part) on the lab team. I love that the president of North America dances at the pier bar with all of us and was seen doing shots. I love that the VP of bioprocessing (the other division) basically told me he would hire me on the spot if I wasn't already working for us....while we were on the dance floor. I love that people watched out for us and kept an eye on us if locals were around.

But, E is for Exhausted because that is the only way to describe me. I do not stay up like that anymore when I have to get up at 6am. My legs hurt from all the dancing we did, but could be the heels I wore also...hmmmm.