S is for Shoes

This is a very fitting title and a very fitting letter for today.  I love shoes.  If you know me at all you know this. I have way too many pairs of shoes in my closet and under my beds.  I have a laundry basket full of running type shoes, a tub of flip flops, and a shoe rack of flats.  However, my high heels and boots stay in their boxes.  I guess I am kind of OCD about my high heels. They are in their original box, with the name of the shoe and picture (if there is a picture) face out, stacked on the shelves in my closet.  I seem to favor Ann Taylor shoes, wonder why!  However, I am now paying the price of too many shoes. In a quest to clean out my closet, I donated a bunch of shoes that I didn't wear anymore to Good Will.  I think I may have donated the pair I wore to my rehersal dinner.  Now, I am in a high quest to find these shoes again at DSW.  You would think this would be easy, but no.  I ordered what I though was the right shoe from their website online.  However when they arrived at my house, they were not the right color.  The shoe is now on sale at DSW, so finding them in store has proved to be a difficult feat.  DSW shoephoria has put out a nation wide search for this shoe and I got a call today to say it was found at my local store.  I was so happy and went up there today.....much to my dismay, they had put the exact shoe I had returned to the store on hold for me.  The manager of this store was super nice and says he will call stores in the district to find this shoe for me. I am crossing my fingers that we can find it.

R is for Razorback!!!

I have a lot of good "R" words, but today R is for Razorback.  I mean everyone who knows me well, knows that I am pretty much a die hard Razorback fan. For those who do not know....Razorback is the mascot of my beloved University of Arkansas.  A lot of people always wondered why I wound up at the University of Arkansas back in 1998. My mother is from El Dorado, AR and spent a year of her 2 year college career at the UofA in Fayetteville.  Arkansas does not have any professional sports team, so the whole state embraces the Razorbacks.  It is nuts in that state!

I learned how to "Call the Hogs" when I was 2 and one of my mother's friends gave me my first Razorback shirt that I loved to wear.  However, it took my mother wanting to visit the UofA back in October of 1996 when I was a Junior in High Schhool to make my mind up that this was where I belonged.  I fell in love with the campus and did not apply any where else for college.  Summer of 1998 I moved into Humphry's dorm and began the most fun and most challenging 4 years of my life. I really found out how indpenedent I was and basically what true friends are.  And most of all....had a blast as a Razorback.  I was named a Razorback Classic in 2002, my senior year, a very prestigious honor that took getting nominated and a few rounds of interviews.  I was among 9 other seniors that were each given a full page spread in the yearbook to highlight our accomplishments at the UofA.  Contrary to all my pictures, I really did more as a Razorback than just party (though we can sure throw a party!)

I have not given up my love for the Razorbacks. This year will be quite interesting with Mizzou joining the SEC. J is a Mizzou fan, but I tell you our kids will be Razorbacks like I was.  I rock the Razorback debit and credit card, the trail hitch cover, a grill cover will be coming soon (to replace the Mizzou one), and numerous clothing attire.  And how many people can say they called the Hogs at their wedding??? Well I can!

Part II

I feel that I was rushed earlier today when I was writing about J.  I think it had a lot to do with the fact that my computer was freezing up every other minute.  I hate working with a VPN, but that is not my focus for today.  One year ago, J decided to stop drinking. It was not a ultimatum or something I forced on him.  After one, long, painful, and eventful evening at the D and our home, J made the decision on his own to stop drinking. He has said this before and gone about a month and then decide to start again.  He always has said that he wished he could be the person who could only have one beer and stop, but he is not.    I really feel I need to put it out there and say that J was not a person that woke up every day and drank, nor did he drink every day....just a disclaimer that he wasn't drunk all the time.

The first few days were rough, for me at least. It was hard knowing I would be traveling for work and not knowing what was happening back at home. It t a took a lot of open communication and J earning my trust back.   I honestly think I stressed out more than J.  He went to counseling and I think he really opened up to learn about himself and as to why he drank.  He was trying to numb pain from previous things.  He decided not to give Peyton's mom any more ammunition or power.  He decided all of his bad decisions and bad things that have happened to him were all when he had been drinking.  Thank goodness he was sober when he met me!

We just changed how we do things. At first I didn't really drink around him, but we talked and he told me that I shouldn't quit drinking just because he couldn't drink.  I just don't drink as much and that is fine with me.  All summer J drank club soda and lime (he named this his NV drink....for Non vodka.)  I think I was more worried about other people pressuring him to drink, but his family and friends have been so supportive.  For our wedding, I made sure they could get non alcoholic champagne for our toast and NA beer for J.  On our honeymoon he drank all vigin frozen drinks and found Beck's NA which he really likes.  NA beer is more expensive than regular beer, but I have no problem spending the money for him.

A year later he isn't phased and I am not as hovering over what he is ordering.  I know when he is down at the river with his brother and brother in law (who drink liberarlly) he will be fine.  I know when he is hanging out with old friends, he will be fine.  I also know that when times are hard, he will make it through. Even though he will say, I could really go for a beer right now.  I know that he isn't going to through this last year away.  I am so proud of him and we had a delicious dinner at Black Finn with some good friends to celebrate!

One Year.....Change

Today is a huge day for the Blair's. Today, my husband, is ONE year sober.  Today is going to be a much happier day than where we were a year ago.  I am not going to rehash the ugly details of May 8, 2011, and I am so happy that exactly one year later we are in such a better place.  J was not a person that drank everyday, but was the type that once he started he wouldn't stop.  He quite cold turkey and will tell you that as long as you put your mind to something, you can accomplish anything.

It definitely has not been easy and we have had our struggles.  I do miss the huge highs, but I do not miss the lows.  J is more even keel. I admire how hard he has worked to turn everything around. 
At first he was exciting by how much money we were saving not going out to the bars,  He loved waking up and not having a monsterous hangover.  We are more productive.  He is showing he is a great father to Peyton. 

I am so proud of him and tonight we are going out with some friends to celebrate. 

Q is for...

Quiver.  Q is a hard letter and something about the word Quiver, makes me do just that. For some reason it is one of those words I don't like. I will add it to the list of words I don't like...panties, fart, moist....

I am weird and yes I know it.

Play the Hand you are Dealt

J and I have been married for a little over 6 months. I am not going to lie to you and tell you everything has been perfect and we are so happy together.  We love each other but we are still figuring out this life as a married couiple and not two independent individuals.  Adding another stress into our new marriage, is having a step child.  I am not going to take anything away from single parents, but being a step parent comes with a whole other set of strange territory.  You instantly become a ready made family, but one that you biologically didn't create.

When you are in the dating stages, all you want is for the child to like you, because in most cases if the child doesn't like you, the relationship is doomed.  As the relationship progresses, you only hope that in due time you will be on the same level of importance to your significant other as the child.  And now once married, you hope that you can be as much of a family as if this was the family you biologically created.  I think sometimes I have the best of both worlds. We have Peyton every other weekend and will soon have him every other week in the summer.  It is nice that we have every other weekend to be newly weds and enjoy this stage of our marriage before we have our own kinds, and I love our weekends being a family of 3. However, I am still getting used to the stress of the back and forth and I know it has to stress an 8 year old out as well.

Friday, I took off work from Ann so that J and I could pick up Peyton for our weekend. We had nothing too exciting planned, which I have learned is ok too. However, we received a call from Peyton's mom when we were at our exit. He was crying and did not want to come with us. I was so confused....we had had such a fun weekend before, going to the hockey game and what not.  He left us happy.....who knows what happened,. Maybe a bad day at school....maybe he wanted to stay with his brothers....I don't know. However, I was instantly hurt. I always wonder if it is me....  I am not going to hash out the details, but just now this caused a huge fight with J. I sometimes do not agree with the way he handles things. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut and he needs to learn to think before he speaks.  We wound up getting Peyton saturday and he was his happy self.  J and I are repairing some damage to our relationship.  Being a step mom is hard..... I love Peyton more than I ever thought I could.  I wanted to end on a happy note and share one of my favorite pics from our wedding day.