T is for TEXAS

I find it very fitting that this letter popped up in the nick of time.  The Blair's just came back from a whirlwind trip to Texas and I can blog aboutr it here.  J, Peyton, and I flew out of St. Louis early thrusday morning for a short summer trip to Texas. Peyton is such a good behaved flyer.....I am alway in awe of how well behaved he is. I would honestly expect nothing else from him at this point. My sister and I were well behaved flyers also (and I'd like to think I still am :) I guess I have never understood how parents can not control their kids on a plane...but that is a different story.

We landed and my beautiful Mama was there to pick us up. First on our agenda was to do the VIP tour at Texas Stadium, home to Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys.  I really didn't think that many people would be there on a thursday, but boy was I wrong. Jerry has found a way to make money year round. Pulling up to the stadium, we were all in awe of how big it is.  Our tour guide, "G", informed us that it is the worlds largest indoor stadium, and if the glass walls are removed, it is the world's largest outdoor stadium. 2 superdomes could fit inside of it.  The screen about centerfield is massive and cost 40 million dollars. It was neat to see Jerry's private bat cave box and what a luxary suite looked like. We also got to go into the Cheerleader and player's locker rooms as well as on the field.  Peyton was very impressed and loved seeing it.

Friday, we met my BFF at Hawaiian Fallas water park in The Colony.  I can not even remember the last time I was at a water park, but we had a blast. Hawaiian Falls is not as big as Wet n Wild of our past or Hurricane Harbor, but it was a decent sized park with a very clean atmosphere.  Peyton has hardly any fears, we first went down a slide that you ride in an inner tube.  BFF went first and I followed.  Upon the plunge, I kept my butt up and for some reason pointed my toes.  I giggled the whole way down....it was so fun.  I loved that you were not dumped into a small pool at the end.  We then did the "Half Pipe", which BFF and I shared the double raft.  Again, we giggled like teenagers.  Peyton loved that one.  The lazy river was not as slow moving as others I had been in and the wave pool was fun.  I always remembered the waved being bigger...guess I was just smaller, J, pointed out.  After lunch, we did a few slides that didn't require tubes.   I chose the twisty turny one thinking it would go slower than the straight down one.....wrong.  They both ended up at the bottom at the same time. However, the twisty one was super fast and made breathing difficult with all the water in your face,..,.the expressions on our face afterwards must have been pricelist. That and the techniques of removing your swimsuit from up your behind once getting up.  Dad made his delicious hamburgers and we ended the night playing "Sequence". If you have never played, it is super fun for all ages.

Saturday, we went shopping for new Ranger gear. I got a new hat, J, a new T shirt, and Peyton wanted Ranger batting gloves.  We had a yummy lunch at Prego Pizza, my favorite.  We went swimming in the back yard until we got ready for the Rangers game that night.  My sister and her husband joined my family and my daddy.  It was a sold out game against the Astros (inner league) play.  I was sad that we didn't get the Nolan Ryan t shirt give away, but we had great seats inbetween home and third base.  The game was uneventful until a 7 run 6th inning that had Peyton jumping up and down and cheering.  The Rangers won 9-3 and Peyton loved his nachos and blue cotton candy.  I though he'd fall asleep after swimming and the game, but he was so wired that he wanted to play sequence when we got home.

Sunday, we went to church and Daddy got to stand up and be recognized this Father's day as a grandpa too!  We had a great meal of ribs, baked beans, homemade mac and cheese, pistachio salad, potato salad, and marinated green beans. The Blairs left for the airport stuffed.  We made it safely home to St. Louis and Peyton was just as good on the plane.  We dropped him off at his mom's, had dinner, and picked up Charlie.  This was the first time I really missed Texas. I would love to live there again. I know with my new family that is not in the cards for now, but maybe someday.  I will always be a Texan at heart!

T is for TEXAS!!!!

Of course....T is for Texas, my home!  Ok, so Missouri is my home now, but Texas will always be where I am from.  There is just something about people from Texas. It just about killed me to get rid of my Texas plates and driver's license.  I only had been living in Missouri for 9 years when I finally changed them after I got married. I bought my 4Runner in 2003 in St. Louis and registered in in Texas, bought a house in 2004, graduated from grad school and started working in 2006, took my dad off my home loan in 2007....and still staye a Texan. 

I love when people tell me I don't sound like a Midwestern..even though I know I do more and more each day.  But put me back in Arkansas or Texas and my southern accent starts to come back out.  Texas is like a whole other country. People are prouf to be from Texas.  We even have a full year in 7th grade devoted to Texas history.....something I'm sure the kids of most any other state can not say.  Texas is massive....you can drive for 10 hours an still be in the same state. 

I hope one day to move back to Texas. J likes Texas so I know that he would be okay with this. For now, I will just settle with visiting the family and friends.  We are taking Peyton there next week. on our to do list:  tour of Texas stadium, a Rangers game, Pat Mackey's hamburgers, swimming, visiting with the Nuara's before they move to Arizona, seeing my BFF, and having some good family bonding!

Pushing through

I realize that I have been rather quiet lately on my blog.  Sometimes I find it hard to write about what is going on in my life, like if I put it to paper, or rather the internet, it is real.  I know I have blogged some about J and me and this thing we call marriage.  I 100% love my husband.  However, we have hit some rough patches in our first year of marriage.  I thought the first year was supposed to be all lovey dovey and lots of sex. 

J and I have a hard time communicating.  This was very evident when we took our compatibility pre marital test. We scored really well in conflict resolution but awful, I mean horrible, in communication.  J and I are very different when we are upset or angry. He would really like to be left alone to cool off for a while and then when he feels like it we will talk. I am the polar opposite. I want to discuss everything right away and fix it or what not.  This just makes him more irritated at me and me more frustrated at him because he is ignoring me. I then feel like I am the only one in the relationship trying to hold it together.  We are your typical newly weds, we are still trying to figure out money, selling my home, where to live, when to have kids, and our work schedules.  I would have thought that living together before marriage would have helped.  I am a control freak and like to know what is going on with mone at all times. J is a "everything will work it self out" kind of person.  Running his own business has been tough. The economy is awful and his customers are being laid off their jobs, so house hold cleaning services are a luxuary that some have had to cut out. 

I feel like I do everything.  I am the primary bread winner right now. I do the grocery shopping, the cooking, the dishes, the laundry. I work and travel during the week and then do part time at Ann Taylor on Friday nights and saturdays.  I know that J works hard and is his own boss, but I get frustrated when I go out of town and that glass I had drank out of is still sitting on the coffee table (I have done this at times to see if he will put it in the dishwasher.) It flat out frustrates me.  I want every now and then to feel taken care of and not the one that does all the planning and makes all the decisions.  I know J hates the fact that I am the primary bread winner, so I try not to bring that up in arguments. He says he feels like a loser most of the time when he needs to come to me for help.  I thought that is what marrige is supposed to be about. 

Apparently I am also "too" emotional and cry all the time.  I call bullshit on that one.  I cry every now and then, sure.  I am a girl. I do have emotions and words can be said to hurt my feelings.  J had been quick to say, we won't make it through our first year. We are just too different.  I push his buttons more than I should and he argues with my point of view out of spite more than he should.  Does it get better?  Are we doomed to fight through it?  I hate airing our dirty laundry but this blog is for writing about me and my true self.  I can be all "perky and my life is fantastically wonderful" on facebook, but this blog is for real and raw emotions.  Having your husband ask "when are you going out of town next" hurts. I am not sure if we could survive if I didn't travel for work. I love him and he loves me...that is why we got married.  Hopefully we will survive the bad and laugh through the good.

S is for Shoes

This is a very fitting title and a very fitting letter for today.  I love shoes.  If you know me at all you know this. I have way too many pairs of shoes in my closet and under my beds.  I have a laundry basket full of running type shoes, a tub of flip flops, and a shoe rack of flats.  However, my high heels and boots stay in their boxes.  I guess I am kind of OCD about my high heels. They are in their original box, with the name of the shoe and picture (if there is a picture) face out, stacked on the shelves in my closet.  I seem to favor Ann Taylor shoes, wonder why!  However, I am now paying the price of too many shoes. In a quest to clean out my closet, I donated a bunch of shoes that I didn't wear anymore to Good Will.  I think I may have donated the pair I wore to my rehersal dinner.  Now, I am in a high quest to find these shoes again at DSW.  You would think this would be easy, but no.  I ordered what I though was the right shoe from their website online.  However when they arrived at my house, they were not the right color.  The shoe is now on sale at DSW, so finding them in store has proved to be a difficult feat.  DSW shoephoria has put out a nation wide search for this shoe and I got a call today to say it was found at my local store.  I was so happy and went up there today.....much to my dismay, they had put the exact shoe I had returned to the store on hold for me.  The manager of this store was super nice and says he will call stores in the district to find this shoe for me. I am crossing my fingers that we can find it.

R is for Razorback!!!

I have a lot of good "R" words, but today R is for Razorback.  I mean everyone who knows me well, knows that I am pretty much a die hard Razorback fan. For those who do not know....Razorback is the mascot of my beloved University of Arkansas.  A lot of people always wondered why I wound up at the University of Arkansas back in 1998. My mother is from El Dorado, AR and spent a year of her 2 year college career at the UofA in Fayetteville.  Arkansas does not have any professional sports team, so the whole state embraces the Razorbacks.  It is nuts in that state!

I learned how to "Call the Hogs" when I was 2 and one of my mother's friends gave me my first Razorback shirt that I loved to wear.  However, it took my mother wanting to visit the UofA back in October of 1996 when I was a Junior in High Schhool to make my mind up that this was where I belonged.  I fell in love with the campus and did not apply any where else for college.  Summer of 1998 I moved into Humphry's dorm and began the most fun and most challenging 4 years of my life. I really found out how indpenedent I was and basically what true friends are.  And most of all....had a blast as a Razorback.  I was named a Razorback Classic in 2002, my senior year, a very prestigious honor that took getting nominated and a few rounds of interviews.  I was among 9 other seniors that were each given a full page spread in the yearbook to highlight our accomplishments at the UofA.  Contrary to all my pictures, I really did more as a Razorback than just party (though we can sure throw a party!)

I have not given up my love for the Razorbacks. This year will be quite interesting with Mizzou joining the SEC. J is a Mizzou fan, but I tell you our kids will be Razorbacks like I was.  I rock the Razorback debit and credit card, the trail hitch cover, a grill cover will be coming soon (to replace the Mizzou one), and numerous clothing attire.  And how many people can say they called the Hogs at their wedding??? Well I can!

Part II

I feel that I was rushed earlier today when I was writing about J.  I think it had a lot to do with the fact that my computer was freezing up every other minute.  I hate working with a VPN, but that is not my focus for today.  One year ago, J decided to stop drinking. It was not a ultimatum or something I forced on him.  After one, long, painful, and eventful evening at the D and our home, J made the decision on his own to stop drinking. He has said this before and gone about a month and then decide to start again.  He always has said that he wished he could be the person who could only have one beer and stop, but he is not.    I really feel I need to put it out there and say that J was not a person that woke up every day and drank, nor did he drink every day....just a disclaimer that he wasn't drunk all the time.

The first few days were rough, for me at least. It was hard knowing I would be traveling for work and not knowing what was happening back at home. It t a took a lot of open communication and J earning my trust back.   I honestly think I stressed out more than J.  He went to counseling and I think he really opened up to learn about himself and as to why he drank.  He was trying to numb pain from previous things.  He decided not to give Peyton's mom any more ammunition or power.  He decided all of his bad decisions and bad things that have happened to him were all when he had been drinking.  Thank goodness he was sober when he met me!

We just changed how we do things. At first I didn't really drink around him, but we talked and he told me that I shouldn't quit drinking just because he couldn't drink.  I just don't drink as much and that is fine with me.  All summer J drank club soda and lime (he named this his NV drink....for Non vodka.)  I think I was more worried about other people pressuring him to drink, but his family and friends have been so supportive.  For our wedding, I made sure they could get non alcoholic champagne for our toast and NA beer for J.  On our honeymoon he drank all vigin frozen drinks and found Beck's NA which he really likes.  NA beer is more expensive than regular beer, but I have no problem spending the money for him.

A year later he isn't phased and I am not as hovering over what he is ordering.  I know when he is down at the river with his brother and brother in law (who drink liberarlly) he will be fine.  I know when he is hanging out with old friends, he will be fine.  I also know that when times are hard, he will make it through. Even though he will say, I could really go for a beer right now.  I know that he isn't going to through this last year away.  I am so proud of him and we had a delicious dinner at Black Finn with some good friends to celebrate!

One Year.....Change

Today is a huge day for the Blair's. Today, my husband, is ONE year sober.  Today is going to be a much happier day than where we were a year ago.  I am not going to rehash the ugly details of May 8, 2011, and I am so happy that exactly one year later we are in such a better place.  J was not a person that drank everyday, but was the type that once he started he wouldn't stop.  He quite cold turkey and will tell you that as long as you put your mind to something, you can accomplish anything.

It definitely has not been easy and we have had our struggles.  I do miss the huge highs, but I do not miss the lows.  J is more even keel. I admire how hard he has worked to turn everything around. 
At first he was exciting by how much money we were saving not going out to the bars,  He loved waking up and not having a monsterous hangover.  We are more productive.  He is showing he is a great father to Peyton. 

I am so proud of him and tonight we are going out with some friends to celebrate.